Monday, June 23, 2008

Shannon: injuring your babies since yesterday

I came to my sister's rescue yesterday morning when she was short a volunteer in the church nursery. It's been a while, but having spent over 10 years of my life caring for other people's children, I thought I was fairly comfortable handling infants.

Apparently, I've lost some of my knowledge about babies. Like, what they can do at certain ages.

So there I was. I was holding a (3-4 mo. old) baby who looked more like a mini- Jabba-the-Hut with his sextuple chin (seriously, half the kid's body weight was distributed in his face). Another baby requested my attention so I figured: "I'll put this little marshmallow man in this Exersaucer contraption while I tend to this little grublet." As soon as I put Stay-Puff in the seat, BAM- his head lobbed forward.

One- I don't blame you for not being able to hold up your own giant head, baby.

Two- Boy, am I rusty on this whole childcare thing.

Thank God my reflexes were quick because otherwise, he would be sporting the imprint of a barnyard animal on his mega-sized forehead today.

On a related note, does anyone need a babysitter for evenings or weekends? It appears as though I need the practice.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Song Review: Damaged by Danity Kane

Can you fix my h-e-a-r-t?
Cause it's d-a-m-a-g-e-d?

Can you fix my h-e-a-r-t?

Tell me are you up for the challenge
Cause my heart is

Damaged, damaged

Damaged, damaged

I thought that I should let you know
That my heart is Damaged, damaged
So damaged (so damaged)
And you can blame the one before
So how you gonna fix it, fix it, fix it?

Apparently, this song is becoming somewhat of an anthem for many females. It's even been in Billboard's Top 20 for 13 weeks now.

Really, girls?

First of all- Guys, if a girl came up to you with this message, wouldn't you run as fast as possible in the other direction? Hello Baggage! Would I ask a guy to fix my sink? yes. My air conditioner? yes. My dinner? Hell yes. But my heart? Only if he's a cardiac surgeon.

Secondly, everybody's heart is at least a little bit damaged after a relationship. This is why you take some time to HEAL! It's never a good idea to enter into a relationship all bitter and wounded. How is that a good start? If a guy I started dating told me his heart was damaged and then asked me "How are you going to fix it, fix it, fix it?" FIX IT YOURSELF. I've fixed mine more than once. It's not my responsibility to nurse you back to emotional stability after your ex.

This song is so not sending a good message. Obviously, the singer thinks she is completely blameless in the break-up since she so clearly wants to blame everything on "the one before." And when she brings all those issues into the next relationship, expecting the new guy to pick up all the pieces and "fix" her, she's going to wonder why that relationship doesn't work out either.

Bottom line(s):
  • Clean up your own mess.
  • Don't rush to move on if you're not ready to start fresh.
  • Don't make someone else responsible for your happiness.

Now fix me a sandwich.

Friday, June 13, 2008

I'm on a diet, y'all!

So I walked into my lunchtime meeting with a sugar-free Red Bull and a bag of Cheetos. Then I realized...

Oh My God, I am Britney Spears.

At least they were Baked Cheetos.

Must be the bird flu...

In the past 2 days, I have seen 3 bird fights. Seriously. In different locations.

All involved a tiny bird maniacally chasing and attacking a bird at least twice its size. I even saw one lose feathers in mid-air.


Friday, June 6, 2008

Public Service Announcement


Enough with the term "asshat" already. You are not creative or witty.

That is all.